


happy endings

by nielzikyungwoon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Annie - Freeform, Eren - Freeform, Erwin Smith - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Mikasa - Freeform, at first, bertholdt - Freeform, but then it all goes down, mentioned - Freeform, minor armin arlelt/annie leonhart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:49:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27670256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nielzikyungwoon/pseuds/nielzikyungwoon
Summary: happy endings don't exist,at least for levi they don't.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Levi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	happy endings

_happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet._

levi had heard about it, somewhere he didn't even remember anymore, and he figured that his life was the fucking epitome of it.

he felt despair all his life in the underground, and by the looks of it from where he came from, happiness was actually something foreign to everyone who lived there.

the underground was cold, dark, and brutal,

so _no,_ happiness was not something that you would ever expect there.

all his life, he'd known only about sadness and loneliness.

but when he came upon farlan and isabel who made his life bareable, lighter, and actually _happier,_ he tried to hold on to that ray of sunshine.

he was happy with his life then, one where he actually had a family - people his heart could live for - who he would fight and stay for, even when they were thrust into a world that they could have only dreamed and longed for before.

 _maybe,_ he thought,

_maybe not all happy endings are fake. maybe people like us who've never really experienced happiness could be spared from a sad ending for once in their life._

oh, but how _naive_ he was to think that happy endings could actually exist.

because suddenly, it was dark again, after one rainy expedition.

suddenly, when he thought that because they weren't in the underground anymore so happiness was now a possibility, the people who deserved happiness the most were suddenly ripped away from him.

he had lost all hope, had his heart broken to thousands of pieces, 

_irreparable,_ he thought,

but when he found a piece of him resonating with what erwin said to him, he figured that he could still try and live on.

mend himself slowly but surely, find someone to live for.

living with the survey corps, he found himself being able to get by with life, having people who he could call friends and actually trust on. 

and then one day, before an expedition, his eyes veer off to one side of the crowd, and see a shock of blonde hair amidst everyone, enchanting blue orbs filled with amazement and wonder looking at-

his heart stops.

suddenly, he remembers that as a kid, he had believed that angels were always blonde; his mother had told him otherwise, but a small part of him had held on to that belief - and yet he never really thought that there'd exist one that he would see in this lifetime.

true, he had met farlan and even erwin who could fall under his category of an angel, but they weren't really ones who were pure, bright, and _exhilarating_ like an angel, were they?

(shit, erwin could be an angel too, he thinks, probably a fucking angel of death, sure.)

so yeah, with how sad and dreary his life had been so far, meeting someone who was an angel seemed pretty impossible because who the hell would grace his life with one?

but for some reason, his definition of an angel is real and in front of him.

he can't take his eyes off of the blonde, can't really seem to notice anyone else except for him; and the universe must be so good to him because the oceanic blues suddenly lock onto his, and a small, shy smile makes its way onto the angel's _~~red, red, soft, sinful~~_ lips.

and levi doesn't know it, but it was at that moment that an invisible string _~~as red as the boy's lips~~_ ties itself from the blonde to the raven - thin and wispy, but still there.

erwin's voice brings him out of his trance, and he's evermore thankful for his resting bitch face so that no one notices what he was just thinking of.

he faces forward, readying himself for the start of the expedition, heart unknowingly starting to heal itself as it found a _home_ in the beautiful, blonde angel.

<\------------------------------>

the universe must be especially good to him recently because he meets the blonde angel again - saves him really from a number of titans - as he sees him pulling a brunet brat from what seems like the nape of a titan.

talk about a prince saving his beloved from danger.

when they're called to fall back a short while later, he takes his chance and approaches the blonde, holding out a hand for the other. the boy looks at the outstretched hand for a moment, before he reaches out to grip onto it and pull himself up. the angel's hand is warm and soft and comfort all in one, and he doesn't want to let go yet. fierce icy eyes stare onto the younger's, and awkward as he may be as a person around people he isn't familiar with, it was easy being around the other.

he keeps holding on to the warm hand, 

_home,_ his heart sings, _home for us to return to and beat for._

_home where we can be happy._

_cute,_ he thinks as bright blue eyes stare innocently at him, head tilting to the side. he never wants to let go, but-

"levi! let's go,"

and damn erwin for always being the one to break his moment with the blonde, damn him for being the reason as to why the other smiles at him before he lets go and starts walking towards the other cadets while levi is left behind - lovestruck - watching him go.

"hey, kid!"

the cadet turns to look back at him, a small smile still on his face.

"what's your name."

a brighter smile is directed at him, and _sina,_ take him _now,_ he can't handle his heart beating against his ribs.

"armin arlelt, sir."

maria, even his voice is heavenly, levi just wants to _melt._

 _armin arlelt, huh,_ he's thankful for his hidden struggle to stay composed and function in front of the younger - thankful that he's finally got a name for the angelic being.

and armin remains looking at him with that smile, and he has to keep calm, he has to _function_ and not make a fool out of himself for wanting to spontaneously just kiss the blonde and be the proper reason behind his smile. he has to keep his image of the stoic, reactionless captain - has to make sure his bored expression doesn't disappear (even if the cadet has very much seen past that front). he has to form the words and speak up and-

"levi."

-and holy _shit,_ that actually went and sounded better than he thought.

a giggle makes its way out of armin's mouth,

"i know, levi heichou,"

before he smiles brighter then turns to run and catch up with the other cadets.

from there on, levi continues to be lovestruck with the younger, heart mending itself slowly and invisible string becoming thicker, _brighter._

he's always been a good soldier, ever since he was a cadet to when he was promoted to corporal, but he can't help it that recently he's been distracted a lot more during training, making lame ass excuses to erwin to spend more time with a certain subordinate.

and it's in the library one night after weeks and weeks of absolute pining, that levi finds himself graced once again with the presence of an angel. in the dark, with only a candle lighting up their sight, the book on his lap sits ignored by him, all his attention directed to the blonde who sits beside him immersed in his own book. it's only after a few more moments of silent staring that the captain moves forward in his chair to enter armin's space, taking a smaller hand into his and nuzzling his nose onto the side of the younger's neck.

it may have been a bit sudden for tonight but sue him for being so in love (sina, _in love_ \- he never thought he'd be able to say that in his whole life) that he can't hold himself back anymore.

armin gasps softly at that, jolting a bit from the shock and heart beating as fast as his captain's. he turns his head towards levi only to find their close, close, _close_ proximity - noses just tiny spaces apart before touching - ocean blue eyes locking onto icy ones.

for a moment, they stay like that: both just revelling in their closeness after a long time of circling each other. armin, hyperaware of everything levi is doing, takes note of how the older is rubbing small circles with his thumb on his smaller hand - comforting and calming.

it's from weeks of being around each other that armin knows the other is finding the words, so he calms himself down and waits patiently for levi to start and-

"armin,"

he hums as an acknowledgement, hoping that the other would feel more at ease (because he knows how nervous the older can be when he bares his heart like this, and maybe it's because the string tugs at their hearts and calls out _home_ that they can calm each other down),

"be mine."

he freezes, eyes widening and breath stopping because _no,_ he did _not_ expect that - didn't expect that although it was only two words the other was running his mind on for moments, they could still be so powerful. and it takes him a moment too long to respond that he sees a side of levi he never has seen - one that's so unsure and... afraid?

"shit, i-it's okay if you don't want to. i wasn't thinking too clearly-"

it's unusual - it is - to see the ever-so-sure and confident captain be like this, shying away from his angel and too caught up in his own worries; but armin can't help but fall any more deeper because he sees more sides to the other now - sides that he's never shown to anyone else - and _sina,_ how in love can he get?

he moves forward to land a chaste kiss on the older's lips, stopping all the rambling he was doing.

hearts beat in sync, string growing stronger; and as armin moves himself to levi's lap and wraps his arms around his neck to be _infinitesimally closer,_ relief flows through the raven because armin is finally _his,_

_his angel,_

_his home,_

_someone who he could live for again._

he thinks of happy endings after years of not doing so, and hopes that he could finally be graced with one as he swears to himself to always keep armin safe and happy.

 _happy endings didn't exist for me, but if its with you -_ for _you - i'd do anything to make it a reality for us._

<\------------------------------>

levi, since that horrid expedition where he had lost farlan and isabel, had always lived by what erwin said to him back then,

_a choice with no regrets._

there wasn't a moment, really, in his life that he wasn't confused with what choice he had to make. but living by these words, he chose to move on - carry on - with life even if he ended up losing countless people. he had lost his squad, fellow survey corps members, the people closest to him - yet he still went on without regrets.

all his life, uncertainty was something he was familiar with - his old friend. so when he had found the one thing that he was sure of - found the one thing he wanted to keep permanent in his life - he would never have expected that the day would come that the very words he had lived by for years would come and haunt him.

because suddenly, he finds himself on a roof in shiganshina, titan serum in hand and ready to use it on his commander, his _closest friend,_ still, no matter how many times he had cursed the towering blonde especially when he would always interrupt his time with his angel-

who was equally as close to death as erwin, just on the other side of the roof.

and he wants to turn around and do anything to keep armin by his side, wants to use the serum on him because he can't bare to lose his _home_ again - the only person he's every really loved in his whole lifetime, the person who gave him a reason to _be_ and _stay_ and fight _on_ after the longest time. he wants to hold armin so close, protect him, give him that happy ending he had always wanted with him - _for_ him.

but he knows what the younger would face if he brought him back, and he wasn't so sure if armin wanted a life of bearing the colossus titan, bearing the hate and doubt and _death wishes_ of people because they couldn't see that the little blonde was as capable as the thirteenth commander. he didn't know if armin wanted to live a life burdened with the power of the feared titan of humanity, along with the life of erwin smith that would be ultimately traded for his if levi would choose to use the serum on him.

so he readies himself to inject the serum into erwin, but he finds his hands shaking, shaking, _shaking_ because the moment he does this is the moment he'll make a choice that he will regret forever.

with using the serum on erwin, he loses his love, his light, his _home;_ cuts the invisible string himself that tied him to his angel. with using the serum on erwin, he breaks the promise of a happy ending with armin because if he does this, he would never see the bright blue eyes that always enchant him, kiss the red lips that make his day sunnier, nor hold the blonde in his arms as their hearts beat for each other.

he has to do this for humanity, _~~he wants to stay happy with armin,~~_

he has to bring back erwin smith and save them, _~~he wants to never let him go, wants to keep him in this world because he knows that armin could be the one to save them - save him,~~_

he has to do this as the captain, _~~he wants to do this as levi.~~_

he wants, wants, _wants_ but he doesn't want to subject armin to a life of hate and burdens.

he wants to stay happy with armin, but he's not so sure that keeping him here would make _armin_ happy.

so he chooses to inject the serum into erwin, even if his hands still shake and his heart and soul break because he can't even turn around to look at his near-dead angel lest he-

_"but there's more than that."_

he remembers ocean eyes that had captured him since day one, made him fall so _deep._

_"the sea!"_

and,

he finally looks around at armin, scared and breaking and _regretting,_

when erwin suddenly jerks his arm away - rejecting the serum.

and after staring at the commander for a few _~~long~~_ moments, levi gets it.

erwin doesn't want to sacrifice another life for himself - much less a kid - and wants the little blonde to carry on for him, trusts him to be humanity's saving grace.

and he doesn't know what to feel when a wave of relief flows through him because even for just a moment, he'd have armin by his side a bit more longer.

he pauses, breathes slowly as he stands back up and makes his way to the other end of the roof.

_don't worry erwin, you can rest now. i won't leave him alone in this world, he'll be the one to save us - i know he will, i trust he will._

_he's my choice with no regrets, and,_

he reaches the other side, kneels beside armin,

_thank you._

he uses the serum before he backs off, moves the thirteenth commander to the other roof as he waits for armin to come back.

_i almost destroyed your happy ending, and i don't know if my happy ending is yours too. so from now on, i promise to make yours come true, even if it won't be with me anymore because only sina knows how much i don't deserve one._

he looks ahead as armin's titan eats bertholdt, before he's eventually pulled out by his friends.

he pushes back the tears in his eyes because _armin,_

 _home,_ his heart croons,

even if unknowingly, an invisible string - red and as wispy as theirs in the start - transfers from the fallen holder of the colossus, and shoots and stretches all the way to sina where the other end of the string is tied to, piercing through even the strongest of crystals.

<\------------------------------>

maybe it's the world damning him for being ready to give up his happy ending four years ago,

or maybe it really just wasn't meant to be for him to have a happy ending.

as expected, he was able to keep armin by his side, be the one to give him all the love he had left in himself. he loved armin with all his heart, held on to the red string that tied them together as he stood by the younger's side through all the hate from the people - all the _it should have been erwin_ bullshit people were saying to him. levi held on tightly to the string and lived up to his promise to himself of bringing armin out of his self-doubting and hating times.

he gave and gave and _gave_ all he had to his angel - was happy as long as armin was with him - and kept on holding on to the string that-

was blurring in place of another one.

about a year after the fight in shiganshina, he had noticed armin drifting away more and more each day, disappearing for some time before returning to their headquarters.

no one knew where he was going exactly, 

so one day,

levi followed him, only to see him entering the military police's holding quarters.

hitch had told him that armin was always going there, talking to annie for hours on end before leaving.

their red string weakens as levi breaks, 

and from there on, at night when all the survey corps members would be in deep sleep,

he goes out, sits on the grass where he and armin used to spend the night looking at stars (sina, he was so in love - still is really),

now, _alone,_

he still stares at the dark skies as he quietly breaks inside.

he thinks of how even eren was slowly losing himself to the power of the founding titan and the holders of it before him, thinks of how the same must be happening to armin.

the brat bertholdt's resolve must be so strong that his fucking feelings transferred to the next holder.

or maybe, there was just always a part of armin that had been tied to annie, and bertholdt must have just resonated it - made it stronger.

and the thing is, he brought this upon himself, didn't he?

even if it was done unknowingly when he had armin be the one to eat bertholdt.

so he can't even blame anyone but himself, can't blame anyone else if his angel really isn't his anymore.

( _home,_ his heart cries out.)

he brought it upon himself back then that he cursed his own happy ending, kept himself happy even if armin's happiness wouldn't be with him anymore.

he had plead it to the universe as a last resort to bring back armin, but he didn't know that it would actually be the cost of his selfishness.

how breaking, living to make armin's happy ending a reality when his didn't even exist anymore.

_but he is his choice with no regrets._

and just as he kept his promise to erwin to be the one to kill the beast titan, he keeps his one-sided promise to armin to stay and dedicate himself for the future fifteenth commander.

even as he sees less and less of armin from that night on, feels the string to the crystallized blonde become stronger in place of theirs; he keeps his promise even when his life flashed before his eyes as the thunderspear exploded in front of him,

( _survive,_ he told himself, _for him_ ).

the promise holds on until he wakes up again, face permanently scarred and fingers on his right hand now missing.

his body heals and regenerates itself at the cost of his heart breaking, as he sees annie look at _~~his~~_ armin the same way he does, then sees armin look at her in return,

_the same way levi did - still does - to armin._

he squeezes his eyes shut, swallows thickly, but keeps to his promise.

he never did deserve armin anyway, so why not return the happiness he had with armin all these years back to the younger?

 _a choice with no regrets,_ his _choice with no regrets,_

he tells himself as they head on to the final fight with eren, knowing for himself that it'd be _his_ final one too because he would do anything to save armin, keep him safe.

and in the end, when he was able to keep his promise to erwin, in the end when eren was killed and the rumbling had finally stopped, he sees the rubble of a house ahead of him and slowly heads towards it even if everything hurt at that point, as what remained of the 104th circled around humanity's hope - crying as they lost him.

he drops himself onto the ground, leans his back on the barely-standing wall the rubbled house.

he's so, _so_ tired.

but he still manages a small smile as he looks ahead and sees armin - the one who he had stayed for, lived for until the end - hold on to annie.

he isn't needed here anymore.

he had pulled aside mikasa earlier in the plane and told her that she would be the captain to the fifteenth commander in the new world, 

had fulfilled his promise to armin as he sees a small but sure smile make its way onto the angel's lips.

_he's happy, finally._

levi can't hold back the tear that makes its way down his cheek, as the string that was brought along by the colossus suddenly breaks, and armin suddenly jolts and looks around him - as if in search for something, _someone._

icy gray eyes that used to be so fierce lock onto oceanic blue ones that suddenly start tearing up, and-

he wants to _stay,_ wants to be beside armin for just _a bit more,_

but everything _hurts,_ and he feels himself fading away.

he can't keep his eyes open any more, and his last thoughts are of armin,

his love,

his light,

his angel,

his _home,_ his heart manages for one last time,

his choice with no regrets.

and when humanity's strongest lets out his last breath, finally succumbing to all his wounds, the blonde angel reaches him too late, crying over his lost one as the red string between them turns gray.

_happy endings can exist, i made it so for you. "happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet," is only for the ones who don't deserve it like me._

_and so, i give my happy ending to you, my angel,_

_my armin._

<\------------------------------>

loud sobs fill the air as armin holds levi in his arms, endless tears streaming down his cheeks.

he can't help but think that if he was stronger, this wouldn't have happened.

because if he was stronger, he would have been able to keep bertholdt far away from his thoughts, his feelings,

and he would never have drifted away.

ocean blue become clouded with despair, becoming stormy blue as the rain escapes his eyes.

he doesn't want to let go.

_how could i have a happy ending, when my happy ending was with you?_


End file.
